Tom Cruise gets spanked!

Tom Cruise went to Matt Damon's birthday party in London on Saturday night and got his bottom paddled by a burlesque dancer!

The New York Post reports: "Cruise was spotted at Simon Hammerstein’s London club The Box to toast Damon’s 42nd birthday, along with The Avengers hunk Chris Hemsworth, Emily Blunt, Bill Paxton and party organizer John Krasinski. “Tom arrived solo,” said a spy, who added that the Hollywood heavyweights all “got paddled on their rears” by the club’s cross-dressing hostess. “Matt got some extra spanking” for being the birthday boy, and, “they all had a fantastic night enjoying the shows and partying till the end.” 

Lainey Gossip reckons Tom only scored an invite because he's currently starring in All You Need Is Kill with Emily Blunt. 

Her fantasy of how it went down: "God, I love Emily Blunt, don’t you see? How this happened?

She felt bad for him. There he is, working on their movie, the big movie star nerd on the movie set with his hands stuffed in his pockets pretending not to be eavesdropping on her Friday night plans. I can almost hear John Krasinski pleading with her not to do it. “Don’t do it, Em. I know you. You are too soft! Don’t do it!”

"And Emily can’t help herself. A pity invite:

“Hey Tom, if you’re not busy tonight, we’re going to the Box with some friends. Do you want come?”

"Do I?

"Does he?

"Of course!

"At which point John pulls out his iPhone to text Matt and warn the boys. And they agree that Hemsworth has to sit next to him because he’s never experienced the Scientology staredown before."

And then he gets spanked. Priceless.


Blake & Ryan's second wedding 

When I heard Amber Tamblyn and David Cross got married over the weekend, the names didn't really click. It was only when I saw the wedding photos that I realised who they were. Well, who he is - the evil record company guy from Alvin And The Chipmunks!

The DJ at the event, Questlove, has tweeted a few pics. It looks soooooo gorgeous.

And US Magazine reports: "When the House, M.D. alum, 29, married Arrested Development actor David Cross, 48, on October 6, the barefoot bride -- who arrived via canoe! -- wore a canary yellow dress. With flowers in her hair, Tamblyn vowed to spend eternity with Cross as guests including Amy Poehler, 41, Jason Ritter, 32, and Questlove, 41, looked on. 

"Other A-list attendees included Tamblyn's Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants costars Blake Lively, 25, America Ferrera, 28, and Alexis Bledel, 30. Lively -- who secretly married Ryan Reynolds, 35, in South Carolina September 9 -- brought her husband as her date."

I love that the wedding cake was rounds of cheese with stuffed animals on top.

Prince William's beloved nanny dies

Today reports: Prince William has canceled a series of events to attend the funeral of his beloved former nanny on Wednesday. Olga Powell, 82, died of a heart attack on her doorstep in Hertfordshire last month.

Powell cared for William and his brother Harry for 15 years. She helped raise them from infants to teenagers, and saw them through turbulent times that included the divorce of their parents and the death of their mother, Princess Diana.

During an interview she gave last year before the royal wedding, Powell said she was still close to both princes, who “were just like any other children.’’

“I have a very normal relationship with them," she told the Hertfordshire Mercury. "Their upbringing was very normal, and their parents wanted them to have as ordinary a childhood as they could.

“If they saw a muddy puddle they wanted to jump in it, and if there was something to climb, they wanted to climb it,” she added."

Soooo sad. 

Julian Assange & Lady Gaga's dinner date

Says Dlisted: "This morning, my brain is filled with more WTF than usual and it's all because of this story about how Lady CaCa wore a witch hat (Get it? Witch hunt? THIS bitch.) to have dinner with that Wikileaks ho Julian Assange at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London after M.I.A. tweeted her a slightly shady invitation. CaCa posted this picture of her and Julian looking like American Apparel's version of the Wicked Witch of the West and the Tin Man.

Julian has been hiding out in the Ecuadorian Embassy since June, because he's wanted in Sweden for allegedly raping two women. The Telegraph says that CaCa showed up at around 7pm last night, had dinner with Julian and then left at midnight. The embassy has no idea if M.I.A. was there.

What in the hell did these two fame whores talk about for five hours? I know CaCa and Julian are both highly-skilled copy + paste artists, but besides that what do they have in common? CaCa probably vomm-ed at the mouth about her art while Julian touched her wrong with his eyes (CaCa hangs around Terry Richardson, so she's used to it) and kept pushing a cup full of Sleepytime tea toward her. Then while CaCa kept barfing about herself, Julian offered her a bong full of Valerian and finally a plate of Ambien cake with a side of ZzzQuil dipping syrup. That's how their dinner date went.

And if these two ever come a couple, they'll have the best couple name ever. I say they go with either Ass Gag or Ass CaCa."

Danny De Vito - womaniser?

Ewwww, RadarOnline is reporting that Danny De Vito and Rhea Perlman split because of his womanising. 

“He may not appear to be a ladies’ man, but Danny certainly gets a lot of female attention,” a source close to the family told RadarOnline.com.

“Danny can be quite the flirt and because of his powerful status in Hollywood, he’s not ashamed to abuse his position and chat-up young, aspiring woman looking to make it in the industry.

“Despite his reputation as a lovable, funny guy in movies and on TV, Danny’s actually quite the womanizer. And, like a lot of red-blooded males, if he sees an attractive girl in a coffee shop or walking down the street, he will give her the eye.

“After years of turning a blind eye to it, Rhea finally snapped. She had enough of his bad-boy behavior and wanted an end to their marriage.

“The break-up has been on the cards for a long time, probably over 10 years, because they haven’t been happy for a long, long time,” the source revealed.

Robbie Williams disses Gwyneth's kids

Robbie Williams has been interviewed by the German edition of GQ magazine and gone to town on celebs who call their kids strange names (he recently had a daughter called Theodora 'Teddy' Rose): "If you don't call your child Michael or Peter or Julia there will only be celebrity names left and they are all stupid."

He used Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple as an example. "Recently the two of them were over at my house for a party. Gwyneth came over to me with her kiddo and I asked, 'Does little melon like an apple?' So embarrassing! I mixed it up!' 

'But that happens if you have a stupid name like that. You should save your child from that,' he added.

Stevie Nicks wants to strangle Nicki Minaj

I love this story heading from Gawker: "Stevie Nicks Calmly Discusses Murdering Nicki Minaj"

Gawker then reports: "If you think that Stevie Nicks is a bizarre person to weigh in on the Mariah Carey/Nicki Minaj American Idol feud, she'll see your bizarreness and raise you a murderous impulse. Pop music's most cherished witch figure seems to be the last person in the world who doesn't think Mariah and Nicki's public squabbling is a publicity stunt to court interest for the dying brand that is Idol, and that's a great thing because Nicks is saying ridiculous stuff as a result. Stuff like:

How dare this little girl...If I had been Mariah I would have walked over to Nicki and strangled her to death right there.

If you didn't get that, here's clarification:

I would have killed her in front of all those people and had to go to jail for it.

Hot pics & clicks

* Don't Trust The B---- In Apartment 23 star James Van Der Beek decides to work on a reunion for Dawson's Creek the Season 2 premiere of the show. But the only fellow former star he can convince to meet with him is Busy Philipps, who played Audrey Liddell, Joey's (Katie Holmes) college roommate and Pacey's (Joshua Jackson) on-again-off-again girlfriend.

* Says Dlisted: "Brad Pitt had a pretty boring conversation with Guy Ritchie for Interview Magazine, but what's really selling this mess is him playing dress up. Brad dressed up as a gay mobster (or Johnny Hallyday), Billy Ray Cyrus and a constipated stoner rasta. Rasta Brad is what Brad would naturally look like if Angie Jo didn't make the child army hold him down while she takes a FURminator and a whole bottle of shampoo to his greasy mop." Check out the pics here. 

* Kelly Osbourne shows off her bikini body in Hawaii. Check her out here.  

* The Daily Mail reports: "The curious case of Chris Brown and his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran took another twist on Monday - with the model being spotted outside his Hollywood Hills home. After enjoying a girls' night out on Sunday, a bleary-eyed Tran was sighted outside his pile the very next morning, wearing the same outfit from the eve before - tiny denim shorts, thigh-high socks and a printed top." Of course she has. Sigh.