Jen's sneaky deal with the paps

The first pics of Jennifer Aniston's enormous engagement ring have flooded cyberspace. The conveniently clear paparazzi shots have been snapped up by every major gossip site in the world.

(Not minor ones like mine, because my budget is ZERO. So you'll just have to make do with an old photo. But you can check it out by clicking here.) 

I'll hand over to Lainey Gossip for her cynical take on the ring (and the suspicious shoot): "It’s …Really big. Obscenely big.

"But it had to be, didn’t it? It had to be at least as big if not bigger than the Jolie’s ...

"The Jolie’s is big but it’s also lean and sharp; reminds me of Superman and the Fortress of Solitude, or whatever it is they call that place where all the shards of glass and ice are sticking up from the ground ... By contrast Jen’s ring is like a chubby gurgling baby, rotund and bouncy.

"And, just like when the Jolie waved it around a few months ago, Jen’s is on display on purpose.

"These are exclusive images released by Film Magic, always celebrity friendly and a trusted go-to for celebrities when they need to stage photos. But why now? Why this?

"Well, it’s Monday. Which means she’s made the tabloid deadlines. These pictures will be all over every magazine this week. What else happens this week?

Fake ad from models.com

"Oh … Brad Pitt’s ads for Chanel No.5 will finally be released on October 15. [ak

"WHAT???

"A coincidence again?

"And again?

"And again, and again, and again?

"Always a coincidence, isn’t it? It’s never, never, EVER a conspiracy."

Nicole Kidman's sex talk

I love it when Lainey's on an assumption kick - she's on fire with her latest Nicole Kidman lowdown.

Nicole's on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar and Lainey describes the photo as "terrible. This is what happens when you over-photoshop someone who’s been over-Botoxed. The result is frightening."

But it's the accompanying interview that really got Lainey going, particularly the quote on how Keith Urban changed Nicole's life:

“He just gave me confidence through just being very kind to me and understanding me, opening me up to trying things, my sexuality, those sorts of things. (Keith is) more like an ocean; he took me out."

Says Lainey: "Not bad, Granny. Not bad at all. Thank you for telling us that you and Keith like to f-ck with imagination and that it wasn’t all that imaginative with Tom Cruise."

Loving! 

Liz Hurley insists Shane Warne hasn't had work
Shane Warne has copped loads of flack about his altered appearance since hooking up with Liz Hurley. He's been accused of everything from using mascara to having plastic surgery. But Liz insists knives haven't gone anywhere near her man. 

She was interviewed for a UK TV program called Lorraine On Monday Morning and said: "I love him looking like that. I think he looks beautiful."

She added: 'He's never had any surgery and is not on a diet and he doesn't wear make-up - look at those eyelashes, they're very curly.

'For the record, he is au naturel. No assistance, especially not from me.'

Jack Osbourne's surprise wedding 

Despite tweeting on Friday: "I love how going to Hawaii with my mum for her 60th has turned into my wedding. Hahahaha people are funny", Jack Osbourne did getting married there over the weekend. The subterfuge was because he'd sold the exclusive photos to Hello! magazine. 

Twitter pic of Jack's recent buck's party in Vega

Here's the magazine's breathless press release: "HELLO! magazine is thrilled to announce the marriage of Jack Osbourne and his actress and model girlfriend Lisa Stelly. The emotional and fun-filled wedding ceremony took place in the Kona-Kohala coast of West Hawaii on Sunday. HELLO! was there to witness the happy couple exchange their vows in front of a 48-strong congregation of immediate family and lifelong friends including Jack's parents Sharon and Ozzy (who wed in neighbouring Maui 30 years ago) and sister Kelly who was one of the bridesmaids.
THEIR EXCLUSIVE WEDDING ALBUM AND INTERVIEW WILL APPEAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE OF HELLO! ON SALE MONDAY 15th OCTOBER."

Maria might take Arnie back ... nooooooo!

Maria Shriver has kindly taken the heat off Rihanna as celebrity making the dumbest relationship decision by stepping out wearing her wedding ring. The move has fuelled speculation she may be considering reconciling with hubby Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

The Daily Mail reports: "The 56-year-old acclaimed journalist was seen wearing the large sparkler on her left ring finger while leaving a restaurant with her 22-year-old daughter Katherine ...

"An apologetic Arnold Schwarzenegger told CNN on Tuesday that she was his one true love.

"Maria filed for divorce in July 2011 after 25 years of marriage after the 65-year-old movie star admitted he had fathered a lovechild with their longtime housekeeper, Mildred Baena.

"The former governor of California has been busy promoting his new memoir, Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story, which detailed his numerous indiscretions while married.

"However, the Austrian-born muscle man wrote: 'You can call this denial, but it's the way my mind works...I'm still in love with Maria.'

"The actor, who shares four children with Shriver, ages 15 to 22, states that although the divorce is still going forward, he holds on to 'the hope that Maria and I can come back together as husband and wife and as a family with our children.'"

Hots pics & clicks

* I forgot to blog about Prince Harry being named Tatler's Man Of The Year yesterday ... or maybe there were just no words then. Of course he's Man Of The Year. He played nude billiards. That's the normal criteria isn't it?

* Just Jared has confirmed that Aussie actress Teresa Palmer and former Felicity hunk Scott Speedman have broken up after dating for more than a year. The relationship ended a few weeks ago and Scott has already been spotted canoodling with his Last Resort co-star Camille De Pazzis. 

* Katy Perry tweeted this patriotic manicure during Barack Obama's "30 Days to Victory" fundraiser in Los Angeles on Sunday night.

* See Sienna Miller's hirsute baby daughter by clicking here. 

* US Magazine reports "Lady Gaga pulled a Bieber during her concert in Barcelona, vomiting three times within the span of a few minutes while performing "Edge of Glory." (Justin Bieber faced similar on stage embarrassment last week in Arizona, when he threw up during his Glendale show.)" I'm sparing you the video footage.


* Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are separating after 30 years together, their rep has confirmed. 

* Matthew McConaughey looks even more scarily thin on the set of his new movie, The Dallas Buyer's Club.

* Mariah Carey has been tweeting priceless pics of the birthday party she threw for hubby Nick Cannon. She wrote alongside one shot of Nick posing with a part hat and a flute of rose champagne: ‘My hubby on his birthday fest! On to the party! Happy birthday Nick Cannon!’